Christmas parties will begin to appear in December, with be have our that you should be looking at, telling your management to stick your job you feel trapped in, grinding someone on the dance floor, vomiting at someone, shagging or sucking powder up your nose is not important but the way you behave at the blackjack and roulette tables the “fun casino” is. You have watched James Bond and now want to be like Daniel Craig in Monte Carlo at the party.
The thing is putting a tenner on a red in a shop in South end does not make you James Bond. The dealer will be experienced and have handled hundreds of thousands of pounds and it will either be their night off or they have left the business. The ‘fun casino‘ dealer will be looking to earn some extra cash for Christmas and will not care about splitting tens on blackjack. He is The Horse Whisperer and you to him are a Little Pony.
It is not about the money involved it is about how you can try and win, even though you don’t know how to play and will say things like “stick” and “twist” even though this is not pontoon and you can not get a five card trick and you will be playing against the dealer. Your night does not need to make you suffer so here is the etiquette guide.
How to indicate whether you want another card or not on blackjack
This one is simple you simply tap the table for a yes or for no wave your hand over the box. You can also say card or no card. Saying stick or twist is not needed, it’s like David Cameron saying – “you ain’t no Muslim Bruv”.
How to hand us your fun money
You should not try and give the dealer the money but place it on the table and then it will get picked up. Dealers do not take money from a punters hand so then they don’t get accused of cheating or for taking bribes. Even though it is not a real casino the dealer will expect to still act in the proper way.
Keep your drinks off the table
The baize does not wipe clean and we will tell you with strained voices each time to pick them up even though we don’t want to. The roulette table is not the place for drinks, it is the same as doing a lap dance round a wonky chair of which the Koran has been used to prop it up.
What for me to pay you
It can be noisy at these places and the dealer may not hear you. You should not say – “Hey! You haven’t paid me!” The dealer may be clearing away other losing bets or there are others to be paid before you. They have an order with which to pay people so you should wait.
Don’t pretend to be a gambling guru just because you have seen Casino Royal
It can be tempting even for fun to show people around the table and pretend you are an expert even though you don’t really know what you are doing. The dealer will know and instead of making yourself look a twat you should ask the dealer instead.